Taking the Leap

I originally intended to start this blog six months ago. What it is now, is not what it was meant to be. Plans were all laid out, home page was all set up. Everything was near ready to go live. The week I was doing last minute adjustments, the universe was getting ready to show me it had other plans.

The next six months were filled with loss and tragedies. I watched as people I cared about lost their homes, some lost their lives. I went to more funerals in six months than I had in years. And two were for people whose lives had barely begun.

These solemn moments were lined with highlights of happiness that would carry us through one moment of grief to the next. Sparks of excitement that came and went. Job promotions. Birthdays. Wedding planning. But still, it was all I could do to keep my head above water long enough to catch a breath before the next wave rolled in.

About halfway through this six-month period, I felt like I had hit my breaking point. The depression and anxiety that I had spent the last four years fighting and learning to manage had creeped its way back into the blood in my veins. Getting out of bed was a struggle. Making it through a serving or bartending shift that demanded I had to be social was even worse. If it weren’t for the patience and love of my family (and there was a lot of love and patience), I’m not sure how I would have made it through.

I was restless, desperately trying to hang on to my will to survive. Every moment of my day was accompanied by a voice silently screaming in the back of my mind “IT’S NOT ENOUGH.” Making killer money wasn’t enough. The promotions that I worked so hard and long for weren’t enough. Nothing I did felt like it was enough. Which, ultimately, led me to believe that I wasn’t enough. As a mother. As a partner, daughter, sister, friend. I was stuck and lifeless, clueless to how I was going to be able to pull myself out.

Something had to change.

I prayed. I prayed to the Universe. I prayed to God. I prayed to

anyone that would listen. I prayed that the Universe would just meet me in the middle. Give me balance. That if I listened, it would guide me down the right path. If I did the footwork, God would do the rest.

Even if I didn’t think I qualified, I put myself out there for jobs that made me excited. I asked around at places I loved to go. After 7 years, I picked up a pen again. I put in the footwork. Every day for what felt like a lifetime.

Until one day, a friend of mine offered me a job.

I would be working with children, the community and using my creativity in a productive way as the Marketing Director of a Children’s Fitness Center. The pay would be less than bartending or serving, but manageable. With my wedding and the holidays coming up, I decided to take the position and keep my serving job during my training period.

Sometimes, life has other plans.

Sometimes, it just pulls the rug from under you.

It got to the point where my serving job was basically trying to make me choose between them and the Gym. A friend of mine at the restaurant and I were swapping stories and shared with me that another friend of ours was telling her she needed to ‘Take the Leap’ and leave. But, she said, after hearing my circumstances, she felt like she wasn’t the one who was supposed to hear that. She said she felt like God wanted me to hear that. She needed to pass the message along. She is probably one of the most faithful people I know. I took her message to heart and I chose the one that wasn’t making me choose.

I left the restaurant. I took the leap. I opened the door to a new career outside of anything I have ever done. Did it pay off?

Financially? No. Not yet. But it will.

Emotionally? I feel like I gained back a part of myself I was scared I had lost forever. I feel happy again. Even though other stresses have taken place of the ones that were crushing me. One day at a time, they will pass and change and fade. My soul feels alive again.

Whatever it is that your contemplating or worried won't go your way, go ahead and take the leap. You want that new job? Take the chance that you might fail. You want to move across the country and become the next ‘Big Thing?’ Do it. If not, you’ll just spend your life stuck on the sidelines wondering what would have happened if you decided to just go for it instead of staying stagnant on the edge of greatness.

My advice: Take the Leap